Thursday, December 23, 2010

"You'll figure it out, you always do." _Famous words from my mother, spoken to me tonight.

Monday, November 22, 2010

you know just helping out a photo student (:
break has been AMAZING. i may have drank an entire carton of egg nog, disgusting? fattening? yea, it's fine. home made meals and cookies. you think with all this talk of food i would be gaining a ton... which i probably am... which is fine by me. LOVEfood. i'm ALL about food. i love being home. i don't want to leave in a week !!!! that's too soon. i'll miss my mommy. TOOmuch. we cuddle, snuggle, eat, and watch tv, and talk and talk and TALKKK. i don't want to leave. i want to take her with me. she's my bestFRIEND! uhh.. enjoying the rest of home while it lasts.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I've missed home. Home is where the heart is. Good ol' Richmond Virginia. The people, the places, just everything. It's perfect. It's home but it doesn't feel like home home. I've lived here on and off again the last four years... it gets pretty distant to you after awhile. But, it is still my home. There is no place like HOME.
Uhh.. my house, my bed, the smells, the happiness the laughter. It's all just PERFECT.
This break is going to be much needed. Full of visits with old friends, and family.
Beautiful Virginia (:
Cold weather means fur vest !

Thursday, November 18, 2010

A lot things can make people unhappy, sad, distant, confused, and hurt... but think about it what really do we have to be unhappy about. What are we all sitting here worrying about. More times out of none more than half of us are blessed more than we even realize, and just take it for granted. EVERYDAY. We take the ever so little things for granted... just waking up in the morning is a blessing in itself. Living in a home, taking a shower, having clothes to put on our bodies is a blessing. It all is. Some people don't even have this. People struggle to find somewhere to sleep for the night, and we complain about our living situations? Or so and so has a bigger house than us... or we wish we had this and that. Most people would be satisfied with something to just crawl into... a square inch to keep from the cold wind and rain. Why are the way we are, why do we take these things for granted.
I would like to say the Holiday Season is a very beautiful time, with joy, laughing, and peace. But for most we all know that this is not true. Most of us it is a somber sad time where we think of those that we have lost... the family we don't have, or did have and completely is out of there lives. Holidays can be sad and just remind some people that they are... well, alone. Alone, like Thanksgiving and Christmas are just another day for them. They won't wake up with family and friends and with a turkey and stuffing and the whole deal. They'll be lucky enough to wake up at all, surviving another night.
So, this Thanksgiving let us be thankful and remember how blessed we are for EVERY little thing. EVERYTHING. Let us remember those who are alone this Holiday Season, and those hurt on the inside even when they don't show it. Because if we're all alone, well we're all together in that...

Think about it :)

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

You ever thought about what an impact you make on someone's life. For just a second, maybe minute, maybe even night. Think about it... think about how many people in your life you have come in contact with, had a conversation with, a simple hello, a subtle goodbye, a smile, a gesture... anything. Think of how many people have impacted you when you had lost hope or wanted to give up, and then that one person that random or not so random person smiled at you or showed interest in your life. Did it help you? Of course.

Too many times we walk around this world, our city, our town... with our head in our ear phones, or face glued to our phones. Where is our interaction... with each other. We have lost ourselves... in technology.

I think back to the past few, well 21 years of my life... and think of those that impacted me. Those people, friends, strangers, family members, Christian, non Christian... whoever that for that one second, minute, hour, night, or day... made a difference in this girls life. Most didn't know it... but made a difference... in this girls life.

To that one girl in high school that stood up for me when all the rest didn't. For being my friend, for seeing the real me. You made a difference in my life.
For those two guys in high school that made me believe I was beautiful. You made a difference in my life.
To that one stranger on the phone. You made a difference in my life.
For that one smile, that one hug, that one uplifting message, one i love you, and Cierra you're worth it...
It all made a difference in my life.
ALL of it.

So give that one smile, that one hug... to that one person, friend, or stranger... and make a difference in their lives.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

i don't know what it is... the cooler air, the jolly spirit, the food, the smells... the time of year... or how about.
Jesus is THE reason for the season. hm, how about EVERY season. true, i am guilty of it too. this time of the year just bring me much more happiness and joy. but imagine those people that have nothing, this time of the year is just like any other day or month. imagine a child that's never been able to sit next to a fire, decorate a christmas tree, bake cookies, wrap and unwrap presents. let's reach out to those people... let's bless those people this season. JESUS is the reason. let's do for others, for anyone. for anyone but yourself. stop thinking about what you want, and what others need. stop asking and start giving. START somewhere. start, today... start now. START. bless those less fortunate that us.
i take all the little holiday things for granted. from the smallest to the biggest things. this season will be different. i am ready to make it different. to stop thinking and doing. to be as big and kind hearted as my dad.
who... last year, took me and my mom in the city of richmond to the legit slums where a simple candy cane and santa hat was everything to these children. my father packed up his truck with stuff he had bought and gave it out to these children and families. i've never had something touch my heart more. the GIFT of giving is such a dear thing. i would choose giving than receiving any day.
i choose giving than receiving this holiday season. 
JESUS is the reason... for THIS season and EVERY season. 

Friday, November 5, 2010

you know that feeling... the world is changing. you're changing. you're life is flashing right before your eyes. i swear it was just last week i was falling asleep in kindergarten in the cubbies where the teacher couldn't find me. now i'm dozing off in 8 am classes... where i have no idea what the professor is even talking about. where has time gone? my life is literally flying by... and i'm only 21 years old. i've lost people, i've hurt people, and people have hurt me. i've had people make an impact on my life, and i would like to say that i've made an impact on others. with everything going on in my life right now... sometimes it's hard to sit back and think, it's fine i have faith it will all work out. but if i didn't... then how could i really call myself a woman of God. hypocritical don't ya think? this time of the year brings back horrible memories... and as i sat in class today... tears swelled in my eyes. my mood for the past two days with these stresses in my life has not be my ever so happy bubbly cierra mood. but it's deeper than that. it goes deeper than finances, and school, just life in general and every day struggles. this time last year my uncle, my only real uncle was diagnosed with cancer. cancer that was too late to catch, it had spread to almost every inch of his body. an uncle that i had only seen strong willed and such a hard worker. with a laugh, smile, and sense of humor that i loved. a man, a smart man, a family man. my uncle was amazing. amazing doesn't even fill it. this time last year i had taken off a semester, a semester to figure out my life... but little did i know what my family would face... yet, what my uncle would face. God knew exactly what he was doing... i was at home, where i was needed. where i needed to be. to be with my family and my uncle. for comfort, and love, and just support. it's as if everything happened at a blink of an eye. one morning we were laughing sitting at the kitchen table as we usually did with everyone, and the next... he was gone. how is this holiday season supposed to be joyous? how are we supposed to forget the devastation we encountered this time last year. we all put our "happy" faces on last holiday season, but this year will be a lot different...
a year later and images are still running through my head... a man that had dropped down to about 90 pounds walking out of the store, holding bags, just to buy a few extra things on Christmas Eve for his family. a man so happy when i brought over my feather down comforter because of his extreme weight loss was hard to get comfortable. a man that the last time i saw him, still gave me that same uncle mark face... as if i had said something dumb; the same same face i wish was here today. the same man that sat in my kitchen eating snowballs i had made as if he hadn't eaten in years; because of the throat cancer nothing would stay down. the same man that hugged me for the last time thanking me. a genuine hug, a real beautiful long hug. my uncle. i miss you. life hasn't been the same without you, Thanksgiving, Christmas, everything will never be the same without you...
driving passed your house isn't the same. you aren't there with your buffalo bills flag waving in the air, reppin' your buffalo bills coat and sweats as you sit on the porch. driving down deer run drive isn't the same. you aren't there. in your car... wearing the sunglasses you've had since the 80's. i'm not there to honk at you, and you completely oblivious to my obnoxious honk and wave aren't passing by. you aren't going to be passing by. i admit i drive by your house, hoping, wishing that one day i'll drive by and there you'll be sitting on the porch... just sitting. i wake up from that dream quickly. i miss just stopping by to say hi, and talk. it's cold now that you're gone... it's not the same. you got about as excited for the holidays as i did. it'll never be the same. NEVER.
but i can't sit here and be sad. i'm thankful for the memories we have. that we all have. the countless holidays together. our families inseparable. our jokes, our laughs, our family arguments. the garthrights' and the lauzonis'. the Garthright's and the Lauzonis's. perfect. the pictures, the videos, all will fade. but we'll have those memories that we'll cherish forever. i'm thankful for the time you were in my life. for you being my uncle, for the things i learned from you, and for the impact you made.

it is however almost thanksgiving time... i am thankful for the time you were in my life; more so all of our lives.

you're truly missed.

i'll get out of this mood... God help me.
i'll remember to be thankful for the time, be thankful you're in a better place Uncle Mark... and not be selfish and want you back.
love you. miss you, always.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

know what can make a horrible, terrible, no good day better? CHRISTMAS decorations with a hint of christmas jams to dance around to.
this is exactly what me and my two BESTfriends/roommates did today.
last night was one of those nights where my anxiety/stresses/upset/moodiness got to me.
i was up until 4 am, talk about smart idea.
today in florida it was gloomy, rainy, and yucky. think that put me in a better mood? NAH.
so after class, mal and me had a brilliant idea to put up our WHITE christmas tree. our spirits were brightened. INSTANTLY! tree-check.
missing:ornaments and a few other necessities to make our christmas that much better.
even though its november 2nd, who really is counting? EXACTLY!
"underneath my christmas tree"
me and my BESTfriend

Monday, November 1, 2010

Hocus Pocus

Halloween 2010

Minnie & Mickey Mouse
friday night. we went to Pace's and had a little get together/party for all our friends. the night was certainly unexpected, and very entertaining to say the least... never a dull moment with the group of friends we have that's for sure. our costumes were home-made which are always the BEST. although it seemed as though everyone in the world was minnie mouse for halloween. they were missing one key thing; a mickey mouse (;
(love my girls)
The best group by far <3

Saturday night we went to another Halloween party and ended up being yet another themed couple. peebles and bam bam. i was a little upset at the fact that no one knew who i was, and kept thinking that pace was fred flinestone. did people not watch the flinestone's when they were younger, they did have kids! either way the second night was just as fun as the first. i love holidays and celebrating them, and doing all those festive things. i'm such a big kid at heart; and it will stay that way forever.
Pebbles & Bamm Bamm
Happy Halloween!

Halloween night we ended up passing out candy to the kids as Minnie and Mickey. ended up seeing the most adorable kids on the planet. i saw one girl as an avatar, and i asked her did she really watch that movie (keep in mind she was about 5 years old) and she answered, "yes, it's my favorite.." ADORABLE! then a family of five kids walked up, and were the whole cast of the wizard of oz. my heart melted. i wanted those children to be my kids. WOW, yet again ADORABLE. pace doesn't understand the meaning of passing out a piece to each kid, he's giving every kid hand fulls... so we run out within an hour. however if you ventured over to the Garthright's house this Halloween you would find my dad "Big Zeph" passing out coloring books, crayons, and bouncy balls to kids. only my family. one little boy my mom told me said to my dad, "but i don't color!" my dad said, "four years old and you don't color!" like really wow, get the kid a coloring book. what has the world done to our youth. iLOVEDcoloring. however receiving that in my halloween sack, i am not so sure about. but still, only my dad. gotta love him.

hope everyone did all the tricks and got all their treats this halloween.
i know i did (;

new blog (;

somehow or another my last blog entirely won't let me post anything. yet, even sign in half of the time.
hence, the NEWblog.
which in fact is sort of refreshing. granted, i can still see the posts i wrote all summer up until now... and quite frankly the idea of a NEWblog excites me. yea somewhere out in cyber world my OLD blog still exists. with my cut downs, my words of hatred, my thoughts of the "NEW me" a better me. my emotions, my anger, my happiness, my ups and downs. my life pretty much in word form.
and here i go yet again, opening my life up to people. not even knowing who really reads this.
it's kind of intriguing writing not knowing who really looks at my blog. it's therapeutic, in a weird way.

the last month has been nothing short of a roller coaster. at times i wanted to jump off my own roller coaster. i was over the ride. but ironically... i'm still on.
holding on. strapped in. ready for what the next toss and turn to be. round and round, up and down.
let's go. roller coaster.

i've learned a lot this past month. from my new friends, from old and distant friends.
to a girl;a BESTfriend who is stronger than i could ever be, thank you for giving me hope in myself. for making me feel loved. (you're going to be OK;iLOVEyou!)
to a new friend who helped me at my lowest point, i thank God for bringing you into my life.
for a boy who broke my heart, for a boy i hurt to make myself feel better... i am sorry. people deserve second chances, love deserves a second chance.
for a friend who is missing in my life... i don't know you anymore, and i miss you.
and for the people who have impacted me and stood by me and believed in me and myDREAMS.
and to the cd that has gotten me through it all... and been on constant repeat.
taylorswift. says all the things i want to say; and NEVERcould.thankyou (;

i'm ready for the next turn, next up side down roll around curve.
my lifeisPERFECT. in every sense.
i have blessings that others could ONLYdream of.
when i think i have it worse; there are others that have it just as WORSE.

let's go november... bring me a surprise (;
... i'll be waiting.