Thursday, December 23, 2010

"You'll figure it out, you always do." _Famous words from my mother, spoken to me tonight.

Monday, November 22, 2010

you know just helping out a photo student (:
break has been AMAZING. i may have drank an entire carton of egg nog, disgusting? fattening? yea, it's fine. home made meals and cookies. you think with all this talk of food i would be gaining a ton... which i probably am... which is fine by me. LOVEfood. i'm ALL about food. i love being home. i don't want to leave in a week !!!! that's too soon. i'll miss my mommy. TOOmuch. we cuddle, snuggle, eat, and watch tv, and talk and talk and TALKKK. i don't want to leave. i want to take her with me. she's my bestFRIEND! uhh.. enjoying the rest of home while it lasts.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I've missed home. Home is where the heart is. Good ol' Richmond Virginia. The people, the places, just everything. It's perfect. It's home but it doesn't feel like home home. I've lived here on and off again the last four years... it gets pretty distant to you after awhile. But, it is still my home. There is no place like HOME.
Uhh.. my house, my bed, the smells, the happiness the laughter. It's all just PERFECT.
This break is going to be much needed. Full of visits with old friends, and family.
Beautiful Virginia (:
Cold weather means fur vest !

Thursday, November 18, 2010

A lot things can make people unhappy, sad, distant, confused, and hurt... but think about it what really do we have to be unhappy about. What are we all sitting here worrying about. More times out of none more than half of us are blessed more than we even realize, and just take it for granted. EVERYDAY. We take the ever so little things for granted... just waking up in the morning is a blessing in itself. Living in a home, taking a shower, having clothes to put on our bodies is a blessing. It all is. Some people don't even have this. People struggle to find somewhere to sleep for the night, and we complain about our living situations? Or so and so has a bigger house than us... or we wish we had this and that. Most people would be satisfied with something to just crawl into... a square inch to keep from the cold wind and rain. Why are the way we are, why do we take these things for granted.
I would like to say the Holiday Season is a very beautiful time, with joy, laughing, and peace. But for most we all know that this is not true. Most of us it is a somber sad time where we think of those that we have lost... the family we don't have, or did have and completely is out of there lives. Holidays can be sad and just remind some people that they are... well, alone. Alone, like Thanksgiving and Christmas are just another day for them. They won't wake up with family and friends and with a turkey and stuffing and the whole deal. They'll be lucky enough to wake up at all, surviving another night.
So, this Thanksgiving let us be thankful and remember how blessed we are for EVERY little thing. EVERYTHING. Let us remember those who are alone this Holiday Season, and those hurt on the inside even when they don't show it. Because if we're all alone, well we're all together in that...

Think about it :)

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

You ever thought about what an impact you make on someone's life. For just a second, maybe minute, maybe even night. Think about it... think about how many people in your life you have come in contact with, had a conversation with, a simple hello, a subtle goodbye, a smile, a gesture... anything. Think of how many people have impacted you when you had lost hope or wanted to give up, and then that one person that random or not so random person smiled at you or showed interest in your life. Did it help you? Of course.

Too many times we walk around this world, our city, our town... with our head in our ear phones, or face glued to our phones. Where is our interaction... with each other. We have lost ourselves... in technology.

I think back to the past few, well 21 years of my life... and think of those that impacted me. Those people, friends, strangers, family members, Christian, non Christian... whoever that for that one second, minute, hour, night, or day... made a difference in this girls life. Most didn't know it... but made a difference... in this girls life.

To that one girl in high school that stood up for me when all the rest didn't. For being my friend, for seeing the real me. You made a difference in my life.
For those two guys in high school that made me believe I was beautiful. You made a difference in my life.
To that one stranger on the phone. You made a difference in my life.
For that one smile, that one hug, that one uplifting message, one i love you, and Cierra you're worth it...
It all made a difference in my life.
ALL of it.

So give that one smile, that one hug... to that one person, friend, or stranger... and make a difference in their lives.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

i don't know what it is... the cooler air, the jolly spirit, the food, the smells... the time of year... or how about.
Jesus is THE reason for the season. hm, how about EVERY season. true, i am guilty of it too. this time of the year just bring me much more happiness and joy. but imagine those people that have nothing, this time of the year is just like any other day or month. imagine a child that's never been able to sit next to a fire, decorate a christmas tree, bake cookies, wrap and unwrap presents. let's reach out to those people... let's bless those people this season. JESUS is the reason. let's do for others, for anyone. for anyone but yourself. stop thinking about what you want, and what others need. stop asking and start giving. START somewhere. start, today... start now. START. bless those less fortunate that us.
i take all the little holiday things for granted. from the smallest to the biggest things. this season will be different. i am ready to make it different. to stop thinking and doing. to be as big and kind hearted as my dad.
who... last year, took me and my mom in the city of richmond to the legit slums where a simple candy cane and santa hat was everything to these children. my father packed up his truck with stuff he had bought and gave it out to these children and families. i've never had something touch my heart more. the GIFT of giving is such a dear thing. i would choose giving than receiving any day.
i choose giving than receiving this holiday season. 
JESUS is the reason... for THIS season and EVERY season. 

Friday, November 5, 2010

you know that feeling... the world is changing. you're changing. you're life is flashing right before your eyes. i swear it was just last week i was falling asleep in kindergarten in the cubbies where the teacher couldn't find me. now i'm dozing off in 8 am classes... where i have no idea what the professor is even talking about. where has time gone? my life is literally flying by... and i'm only 21 years old. i've lost people, i've hurt people, and people have hurt me. i've had people make an impact on my life, and i would like to say that i've made an impact on others. with everything going on in my life right now... sometimes it's hard to sit back and think, it's fine i have faith it will all work out. but if i didn't... then how could i really call myself a woman of God. hypocritical don't ya think? this time of the year brings back horrible memories... and as i sat in class today... tears swelled in my eyes. my mood for the past two days with these stresses in my life has not be my ever so happy bubbly cierra mood. but it's deeper than that. it goes deeper than finances, and school, just life in general and every day struggles. this time last year my uncle, my only real uncle was diagnosed with cancer. cancer that was too late to catch, it had spread to almost every inch of his body. an uncle that i had only seen strong willed and such a hard worker. with a laugh, smile, and sense of humor that i loved. a man, a smart man, a family man. my uncle was amazing. amazing doesn't even fill it. this time last year i had taken off a semester, a semester to figure out my life... but little did i know what my family would face... yet, what my uncle would face. God knew exactly what he was doing... i was at home, where i was needed. where i needed to be. to be with my family and my uncle. for comfort, and love, and just support. it's as if everything happened at a blink of an eye. one morning we were laughing sitting at the kitchen table as we usually did with everyone, and the next... he was gone. how is this holiday season supposed to be joyous? how are we supposed to forget the devastation we encountered this time last year. we all put our "happy" faces on last holiday season, but this year will be a lot different...
a year later and images are still running through my head... a man that had dropped down to about 90 pounds walking out of the store, holding bags, just to buy a few extra things on Christmas Eve for his family. a man so happy when i brought over my feather down comforter because of his extreme weight loss was hard to get comfortable. a man that the last time i saw him, still gave me that same uncle mark face... as if i had said something dumb; the same same face i wish was here today. the same man that sat in my kitchen eating snowballs i had made as if he hadn't eaten in years; because of the throat cancer nothing would stay down. the same man that hugged me for the last time thanking me. a genuine hug, a real beautiful long hug. my uncle. i miss you. life hasn't been the same without you, Thanksgiving, Christmas, everything will never be the same without you...
driving passed your house isn't the same. you aren't there with your buffalo bills flag waving in the air, reppin' your buffalo bills coat and sweats as you sit on the porch. driving down deer run drive isn't the same. you aren't there. in your car... wearing the sunglasses you've had since the 80's. i'm not there to honk at you, and you completely oblivious to my obnoxious honk and wave aren't passing by. you aren't going to be passing by. i admit i drive by your house, hoping, wishing that one day i'll drive by and there you'll be sitting on the porch... just sitting. i wake up from that dream quickly. i miss just stopping by to say hi, and talk. it's cold now that you're gone... it's not the same. you got about as excited for the holidays as i did. it'll never be the same. NEVER.
but i can't sit here and be sad. i'm thankful for the memories we have. that we all have. the countless holidays together. our families inseparable. our jokes, our laughs, our family arguments. the garthrights' and the lauzonis'. the Garthright's and the Lauzonis's. perfect. the pictures, the videos, all will fade. but we'll have those memories that we'll cherish forever. i'm thankful for the time you were in my life. for you being my uncle, for the things i learned from you, and for the impact you made.

it is however almost thanksgiving time... i am thankful for the time you were in my life; more so all of our lives.

you're truly missed.

i'll get out of this mood... God help me.
i'll remember to be thankful for the time, be thankful you're in a better place Uncle Mark... and not be selfish and want you back.
love you. miss you, always.